An autopsy was going on in the mortuary of the
‘Look here! This is a rare case in the age of antibiotics: An advanced case of syphilis,’ the Professor began explaining to the students, ‘ Observe the kidneys- with patches on them…feel them… how firm they are! Here’s the liver… uterus… you feel the lymph glands here…typical short appearance. We rarely find such an advanced case.’
After an hour, the autopsy was over. Washing his hands, Sridhar instructed his assistants to preserve the parts of the body, collected carefully from the corpse, in the museum. Outside the mortuary a few people, probably related to the dead woman, were seen sitting under the tree.
‘It seems they are waiting for the body. They believe that the soul rests in peace only after the burial of the body…strange creatures,’ Sridhar thought. ‘ I have taken out all the vital organs for preserving. Now only the hollow body is given for funeral.’
He did not believe in God. He was beyond emotions and attachments.
He came back to his room. After washing his hands he was about to open the lunch box when the phone rang.
‘Congratulations,’ It was Dr. Rama.
‘What’s the matter?’ The Professor asked.
‘I have examined your wife, Sridevi,’ Dr. Rama continued, ‘she is going to have a baby…third month. She appears weak. Take care of her diet. She had suspected some illness and came to me for examination.’
His ears stopped hearing. Fear engulfed him at once. His hand holding the receiver trembled slightly, ‘My God.’ Sridhar was shocked.
~~~
Sridhar parked his car in the portico and straightaway went silently into the hall without even looking at Sridevi who was coming to meet him.
She might have guessed that he would behave that way. For a while she remained silent, but later walked slowly and stood behind him. She asked, ‘Are you worried?’
He turned to his wife and stared at her with a blank expression. His looks were always expressionless. Rarely do they light up with feeling.
‘Sit down. I will make it clear,’ he said to pacify her.
She sat in the sofa opposite and looked questioningly at him.
‘Look, Sridevi!’ Sridhar started in a soothing voice. ‘Don’t get excited after hearing what I tell you. It’s five years since we got married. I spent two of them abroad. Again I have to go to the States in two years. Then you have to go with me…Sridevi. So far, I have not had any desire for children. In fact I am not under the delusion that paternity would bring me any great pleasure.’ He continued, ‘ These ties hinder me and restrain my aspirations. We haven’t yet grown old enough to worry about children.’ He paused and said, ‘Well! Do you want my happiness ruined?’
Sridevi suppressed a sigh with some difficulty. After hearing him two questions troubled her mind: First, ‘What is happiness?’ Second, ‘ What is his purpose in telling me all this now…that too when everything has gone out of hand?’
He insisted,’ Tell me your opinion.’
She some how managed to smile. ‘I have nothing to say,’ she replied.
‘I did not expect this mishap would occur so early.’ Rubbing his hands together he said in a steady voice.
Even in that bad situation, she felt like laughing. She got up slowly, went to him, sat next to him placing her hand on his shoulder and began, ‘Look, dear…’
He turned to her. Staring blankly, he said, ‘ These bonds and attachments do not fit into my temper. Sridevi!’ Sridhar continued blandly, ‘What I want is a balanced life. I hate unplanned life. These sentiments hinder our development. This is a mechanical age, with knowledge exploding beyond imagination and intellect stretching to the extreme limits.’
She could not control her tears.
‘I wonder why people weep,’ he said looking at her.
‘You are heartless,’ Sridevi said angrily in a tremulous voice.
‘Perhaps it is true,’ he got up. He had not even changed his dress after coming home. He slowly moved into the corridor, lighted a cigarette and looking outside continued,
‘Heartless… Yes, but for that I wouldn’t have become a Professor at this age. I would have just remained an ordinary graduate if I had not overcome these afflictions. You know the facts.’
She did not give a reply. The undulating sound of her sobs floated in the silence.
It was winter. A gentle breeze was blowing from the west. Darkness was slowly spreading all over. The flowers in the Professor’s garden lent perfume to the evening air.
After some time, he tossed away the cigarette butt. Without even looking back he said, ‘ I have my own aspirations in my profession.’ He continued, ‘ Anyway I wonder whether your health permits you to give birth to a baby. It’s foolish to risk your life for the sake of a baby,’ he paused, ‘Try to understand me,’ he continued, ‘ I don’t like it to happen at this juncture. Still there is time. I am a doctor. It is not impossible to stop it.’
For a minute, there was silence. Then a loud thud. He shook and immediately turned back looking for his wife. She had fallen down and was lying on the floor unconscious.
~~~
Soft light spread over the cots and tapered off dully on the bedroom walls. The clock ticked away the midnight hours. Sridevi lay on the cot, her eyes closed and her mind going over the events of the evening. Her husband appeared to her like a living robot, a mechanical man with no heart and feelings. She wept silently.
He was young with good physique. It was not an easy task to become a Professor at his age. Sridevi turned her face and looked at his cot casually. He was lying on his side, sleeping as usual, she thought.
However, Sridhar was not asleep. After a lot of brooding which kept him awake, he concluded, ‘Well, if she wants it so…’
~~~
After seven months…
‘I am sorry, Professor! This is a case of Hydrocephalus,’ Dr. Rama said completing all the investigations.
Sridhar was baffled.
‘The findings are still favourable and the foetus is healthy. Of course, it’s a rare case. Trial labours, otherwise we’ll proceed with craniotomy. Professor! What’s your opinion?’ Dr. Rama asked.
Sridhar nodded his approval. Then he thought for a minute and said, ‘ Why the risk of trial labour, Doctor? Can’t we straight away proceed with craniotomy?’
‘I have some hope that delivery would be possible. Nothing will happen to Sridevi. Don’t worry about her,’ Dr. Rama sounded confident.
Sridhar thought of insisting on the craniotomy but gave up the attempt, as she would not listen to him. He said good-bye to her and walked out.
~~~
Sridhar smoked cigarette after cigarette. Time was mercilessly running out. For the first time in his life he felt that waiting was painful. He realized how valuable his wife was and why a man could not be a machine.
The phone rang. He sprang up and rushed to it.
‘Normal delivery…Male child. Both the mother and the child are all right,’ Dr.Rama said in a firm voice. She did not congratulate him and there wasn’t any happiness in her voice. As a doctor, Sridhar had known the reason.
‘Thank you, Doctor,’ he replaced the receiver slowly.
The boy looked fair. His limbs were weak, hanging like sticks, disproportionate to his big head. The body looked limp like a deflated balloon.
Whenever he looked at him, it struck him that there was no such specimen in his Pathology museum. It was a wonder for him that the boy survived. Such children usually die in the womb itself and the head of the foetus is to be destroyed in order to bring the foetus out. This boy, as his head was not that big, was born without any problem. He was growing up… smiling… Sridhar knew- ‘Such children cannot survive for a long time; even if they do, they become retarded.’
Sridhar examined the boy once or twice, as he did any object in his lab. Sridevi named the boy Karuna. She knew a little about him from Dr. Rama. It was a kind of congenital anomaly caused due to the accumulation of fluid in the brain. She had faith in God and the theory of Karma. Moreover, she could bear the suffering as she thought it was the result of her sins.
She never left Karuna alone. She bought many toys for him and played with him. There wasn’t any change in her relationship with her husband. Whenever the guests visited them, she kept him out of their sight, as she could not bear their sympathizing words and looks.
~~~
Once Karuna had a fever and started moaning. Sridevi was confused and immediately ran to her husband.
‘Our babu has a temperature,’ she said.
‘ Let me see,’ he went with her.
After examining the boy he said, ‘ No need to worry, Sridevi. It is only a mild bronchitis. I will send for medicines.’
The whole day he was with him. That was the only day he was close to his son; yet, without any emotions-just as a doctor treating his patients. Throughout that night, she was awake.
Soon the fever subsided.
~~~
One day while she was entering the hall she found Sridhar looking keenly at Karuna who was sleeping in his bed. At first, she didn’t know why he was doing so. Perhaps he was looking at him as a specimen. That thought she could not bear. She immediately covered his body with a blanket saying it was cold.
Now Karuna grew further and he was able to fall on his face.
When he did so with his large head, Sridhar stood there as if he was watching an educational film.
On one occasion looking at Karuna who was playing, Sridhar called Sridevi as if he had some urgent work with her and said, ‘Look Sridevi! Have you observed his head…isn’t it growing bigger day by day?’
Sridevi lifted her face and looked at him. There was a red streak in her eyes. Then she shot back, ‘ I wish to ask you a question…’ Her voice was never so harsh, ‘Have you ever felt that you are the father of this boy?’
Without waiting for his response, she went into the house taking Karuna in her arms. The question surprised and stupefied him.
~~~
At last, the inevitable happened. Fate mocked Sridevi again. Karuna grew weak day by day. The innocent smile disappeared on his face. There were many complications…in stomach…throat…brain. On one fateful moment, Karuna left his deformed figure as if he was searching for a new body.
She laid his lifeless body in her lap and silently shed tears. She did not say a word against anyone and blamed none.
After some time, Sridhar approached her, ‘ How long do you grieve for the lost boy? I’ll take the body for the funeral.’
She lifted her head once, looked into his face and handed him the body. He went to his car with the body in his arms. The car left the bungalow.
Grief stricken Sridevi did not eat and sleep for three days. Contrary to his nature, Sridhar sat next to her for many hours and tried to comfort her. He advised her to treat grief as their bitter enemy.
As she moved about in the house, she felt her son’s presence everywhere. She could not erase the memories of her son from her mind.
She felt that her son was calling out to her, ‘Amma …Amma!’
The voice echoed in her ears. Her heart sank, ‘I am not fortunate,’ she cried out in grief.
Then the voice seemed to say, ‘ Is it my sin? Why this punishment to me?’
‘Babu! I will face the punishment… not you.’
‘Better if I would have passed away too, than to face the looks of sympathy.’
‘I will curse those who cast such looks on you.’
She fainted with grief. Sridhar was depressed and smoked cigarettes endlessly.
~~~
‘Congenital Hydrocephalus… This would usually die during the intro-uterine life. This is a rare condition, he lived for five months,’ Sridhar said displaying the specimen to the students. He did not have any sentiments or superstitions. However, he liked this particular specimen. He used to spend at least one hour in the museum. While moving around, he involuntarily stopped at the specimen. For five minutes he stood staring at the specimen examining the body and the bulky disproportionate head. Slowly the specimen gained a special place in his heart. He was moved whenever he stood before it. His heart raced and he sweated. The mass of flesh held for exhibition as a specimen was from his own body: the very thought stirred his feelings. Initially he was not aware of these feelings. But gradually he realized that he was coming under the influence of some strange forces. He decided not to stop at the specimen. Once or twice, he tried to ignore it. But his legs did not obey him. The moment he reached it, his legs stopped. Then his looks unintentionally fell on it. If he was able to overcome the temptation to stop near it, on some trivial excuse, he longed to go again to the specimen later. He could not bear this agony. He decided to be away from the museum, but could not succeed even for a day. It dragged him by invisible reins.
He never had such experience in his life. His mind was turbulent. He was fighting against himself. First, scientific curiosity cast a net over him and pulled him to the specimen. Then, a struggle, an attachment, an affection, a possessive instinct inexorably dragged him to it. Sometimes the figure appeared in his dreams. He raved in his sleep.
~~~
‘A cataclysm. The Earth is cracking…lava is gushing out from the volcanoes.’
Once, he screamed in his sleep. It was all a dream. Sridevi rushed to him. Bending over him she anxiously asked,’ Are you all right?’ He was sweating profusely and forcibly opened his eyes after hearing the voice of Sridevi.
‘Yes,’ he said in a feeble voice, ‘ It’s a dreadful dream… Total destruction.’
‘Don’t exert yourself. You have been sick for a week,’ Sridevi tried to comfort him,’ Relax, in the next two days you’ll be normal.’
‘
‘Please don’t utter such words,’ she pleaded him in choked voice.
For a while there was silence.
With her head bent Sridevi hesitantly asked, ‘Today is Saturday. Shall I visit the temple?’
‘ Certainly. But why do you hesitate?’
‘ Because you will have to stay at home alone …’
‘Nothing to worry, Sridevi. I am all right now.’
‘You are still weak. Don’t get out of your bed. I will be back in one hour,’ Sridevi left him.
Minutes kept ticking away. Sridhar felt restless and could not remain in bed any longer. He slowly got up, walked into the corridor, and stood leaning against the wall. The sun was shrouded in the dark clouds gathered in the sky. Exactly at the same spot in the corridor, he thought, a few months earlier he resisted the birth of his son. However, he was born… had grown…and perished. ‘No, he has not perished,’ he felt that a harsh voice cried out. He was startled.
A voice seemed to cry out, ‘I have not perished. Nanna! I have been imprisoned in a lotion. Everyone looks at me through the glass. Their looks pierce my large head.’
‘One week I was in bed. How did I bear this imprisonment?’
‘You are heartless… like a stone.’
His mind forced him to go along.
‘I don’t have enough energy.’
‘You don’t die. A stone has no death.’
His mind succeeded.
‘I will go.’
He strode out in the cold. His car left the bungalow.
~~~
Sridhar entered the museum and switched on the light illuminating the hall.
‘There he is…’ he moved two steps towards it. Suddenly power went off.
Darkness… Nothing was visible.
‘My son! Where are you?’ His heart groaned.
‘I am here Nanna… in fetters… imprisoned. I can’t breath. It’s suffocating,’ the voice seemed to answer.
‘One minute, I will be there,’ Sridhar thought and moved on groping in the dark for his son.
The signs of several diseases surround him- of infants and the aged, of heart ailments, cancer, TB, Syphilis and so on. All of them were his collections-his mental property.
‘Nanna! Here I am,’ the voice seemed to come from all sides.
He did not know the way but was moving ahead.
‘Who’s there?’ he cried at the sound of his own footsteps. There was silence all around. Again he moved.
‘Nanna,’ the call was pathetic.
He had reached him. Stretching his hands, he stroked the jar.
‘Is it you babu?’
‘ Yes…Nanna’
Without second thoughts, his hands lifted the jar and he yearned to press it to his heart. It was heavy. His hands trembled. It was growing heavier.
Suddenly there was a loud crash.
‘Babu,’ he cried.
The lights came on again.
Shivering, Sridhar saw …the formaline spread on the floor… the broken pieces of glass jar…a lump of flesh lying amidst them.
Sridhar bent and took his son into his arms and stared at the body for a while.
‘I will do justice to you, my son.’
He took the boy on his shoulders and walked out of the museum.
The guard of the museum stood puzzled to see the Professor placing a specimen in his car at that hour.
The car raced towards the burial ground.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Translated from Telugu by Dr.T.Sreenivasa Reddy
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